The Headlines

Dollar falls, sending gold to record high

This is just another ploy by the American Government to keep Mr. T. down and I'm not falling for it. The A-Team was a childhood favorite of mine. How will Mr. T. be able to afford all of his gold chains when it's going for over a thousand dollars an ounce? Furthermore, what about all of the rap artists? How can we expect them to perform if they can't even afford grillz? This is atrocious!

Driggs boy shoots bear on family's porch

So you're just going to shoot a bear because it's on your front porch? That's animal cruelty. Show me ONE instance where a bear EVER harmed a human being and maybe this would be justified. Furthermore I don't believe in hunting unless we arm the animals. I don't care how brave everyone thinks this 11 year old boy is. I say if you want this to be fair you have to give the bear a gun. Then we'll start talking reality television show. "Bears With Guns". Ah if only I ruled the world.

Man distracted by bird drives Bugatti into marsh

The Bugatti apparently is a 1.2 million dollar French made vehicle that this gentleman took off roading into a lake. Bad time to birdwatch buddy. How about next time, when you spend over a million dollars on a ride, you sit down and think about what kind of options the car has. I'll he feels awfully silly now for turning down the lake repellant option. For a million bucks shouldn't cars be able to turn into a hovercraft?